Jar of Hearts
by OrangePlasticGummyBear
Summary: Gibbs reflects over his past with Jenny after she visits his basement asking him to take things beyond a professional relationship once again just a few months after she becomes Director of NCIS. SongFic. NOT JIBBS, ANGST, Not AU- set in season 3.


**This is something different for me since it's not part of the series I write. This is a SongFic based on the song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. Now, I know that the song is sung by a woman, but I still heard it and thought the lyrics were perfect from Gibbs' POV. So, this is totally a Gibbs POV piece.**

"**Jar of Hearts"**

No I can't take one more step towards you  
Cause all that's waiting is regret  
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore  
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive  
And now you want me one more time

Sitting under the hull of his boat, drinking bourbon straight from the bottle half the night hadn't managed to blur the image of Jenny Shepard standing in his basement hours earlier, so close she was nearly touching him, asking him to let his guard down and let her in again. She made it seem so casual, as if she hadn't noticed the past months of pain flashing in his eyes every time he looked at her and remembered Paris all over again.

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don't come back for me  
Who do you think you are

Did Jenny really think she could just walk back into his life and pick up where she'd left off before she tore him apart? Leroy Jethro Gibbs was no idiot to be toyed with. Without a doubt, he had loved her in Paris, but she cut him down and destroyed what they had together.

I hear you're asking all around  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive  
And now you want me one more time

No, there would be no falling back into what they once had. Gibbs was not one to give someone a second chance to break him. It didn't matter that she'd been 'secretly' inquiring into his romantic liaisons since his last marriage. Nothing she gleaned from that information would improve her chances of luring him into her bed or landing her into his.

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don't come back for me  
Who do you think you are

_"Jethro, I know I said there wouldn't be any 'outside of the office', but I've been thinking a lot about us, about Paris. Seeing you every day…" She took another step toward him, invading his personal space. "I want to try again, Jethro. Things are different now, for both of us. We'd still have to maintain a professional relationship at work, but I want more than that with you in the off hours." Her green eyes were pleading for him to give in to her own desires._

And it took so long just to feel alright  
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes  
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed  
Cause you broke all your promises  
And now your back  
You don't get to get me back

_ Summoning up the painful memories of the aftermath of Paris to give him strength, he stepped back providing a safe distance from her warmth and scent, giving her a cold glare. "Director, I think it's best if you leave my home and keep our contact at a professional level. I've worked hard to put our personal relationship behind me, and I won't go back there. You made your choice, and it's too late to change your mind now." He turned his back on her before he could give his carefully crafted mask a chance to crack and listened for her heels to ascend the basement stairs, cross the floors of his house, and walk out the front door._

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
Don't come back for me  
Don't come back at all

As he neared the bottom of the bourbon bottle, Gibbs mused, when he finally dies, likely from getting shot by some random bad guy or in a high-speed chase because he drives like a maniac and he was drunk enough to admit it, what would the autopsy reveal of his heart? Would it be covered in the battle scars of love, full of healed tears and holes left by the many women scattered through his life that he'd let touch his heart to some degree? Would their names be tattooed across the scars they left? What would Ducky think of the scar Jenny left on him?

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
Don't come back for me  
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are  
Who do you think you are  
Who do you think you are

Before he passed out under his boat with an empty bottle of bourbon in his hand, Gibbs' mind wandered through the memories of Paris. Although he would never admit it aloud, the time he'd spent in love with Jenny had been better than being married to any of his three ex-wives. She'd also broken his heart worse than anyone else had, far too badly to give it to her again.

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